Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Right after we had all this juvenile sex, we took an anniversary trip to San Diego. Here we drank Corona from the can, hung out in hot tubs, and ate whatever we wanted. Not exactly the prime example of how to conceive a baby.

We were only home from San Diego a few days before I was going to leave again to visit my besties in Chicago. I knew I had to take a pregnancy test before I left on this girls weekend or else our potential fetus could be in serious trouble. Shenanigans usually ensue in Chicago- drinking champagne before noon is not out of the norm.

I bought a pregnancy test and read the directions. It instructed me that I should pee in the morning because morning urine is your "strongest" and the best to use to indicate a pregnancy. Ryan went golfing really early that morning, too early for me to get up and pee on a stick. We were on summer break at this point so I leisurely got out of bed and took this task on alone. I peed on the stick thinking to myself it was too early to really be doing this and it was our first time with Cloimd and the chances of this being possible were pretty slim!

I waited the designated time, went back to the bathroom and looked dumbfounded at the results. I wish there was a hidden camera in my bathroom that documented my confusion. I really couldn't read this fucking test. It was the kind of pregnancy test that had two lines if you were pregnant, one if your were not. I kind of thought it looked like two lines, but the second one was so faint I couldn't confirm it. So I did what any normal person would do, i googled that shit. I literally typed in "positive pregnancy test with two lines." This was the one time the Internet could not solve my problem. I still wasn't sure. I finally took a picture of the test with my cell phone and sent it to Ryan. He immediately called back to report that he had no idea if that was one or two lines.

For those of you who don't know us, we are not actually stupid. We both went to college, we both have Master's degrees, and we teach children for God sake. But for some reason deciphering this test was out of our intellectual grasp.

I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. I went to the drug store to buy a new type of test. The digital kind. The kind that simply writes out for you "pregnant" or "not pregnant." Although I live by the mantra, "Sisters doin' it for themselves," I decided to wait for Ryan to get home to take a second test. I obviously needed backup.

The second test was much less painful. Ryan returned, I peed, and when time was up we saw this:

A test we could read!

We cried, we laughed, we hugged, we cried.

We were so happy. Until we thought of this:
If you are not smart enough to read a pregnancy test, are you smart enough to raise a child?


  1. you know what i'm going to say, right?
    that this could have been solved if you had used your resources and called your best friend who happens to be, i don't know, an ob/gyn nurse. but i see that it was more romantic this way. i'm still not totally sure i understand the boundaries between you and i : heterosexual life partners, and you and ryan: actual life partners.
    case in point: i crashed said san diego romantic weekend.

    when i think of you alone in that bathroom trying to decipher if that second line is an actual second line (it always is), it makes my stomach hurt a little because you are such a brave grown up married lady. or maybe that's just gas.

    very very very good point about 'if you are not smart enough to read a pregnancy test, are you smart enough to raise a child?"
    but i think you'll do fine.

    p.s. is baby daddy going to be making any posts?


  2. Well that is what is fun about this- trying to figure this shit out on your own. :)

  3. I believe the act of giving birth to be the single most miraculous thing a human being can do and it is surely the moment when a lot of women finally understand the depth of their power and connection to all of nature. You think it can’t possibly be done, you think you can’t possibly take the pain, and then you do — and afterward you look at yourself in a whole new way. If you can do that, you can do anything....The memory of pain always recedes. The memory of triumph does not."

    just copied and pasted this from someone elses blog.. geez.. you better watch out maybe I'll have another baby!.. Everyone is enjoying your blog.. but my friends are still in shock that you weren't a virgin when you married Ryan... JUST KIDDING>.. just getting you ready for SB.. and all the questions!!

  4. I love that quote!
    I am sure there will be TOO many inappropriate questions in California. Ryan will have to drink several beers. I guess I will just eat. Can't wait! :)

  5. I'm gonna be drunk all weekend... I look forward to all the questions and crazy behavior! Ann, thanks for watching our crazy animal while we're gone!

    Maux- Good point... I should make some posts on here... Baby Mama- I would like the login info please. :o)

  6. wait a minute, elaine wasn't a virgin when she married ryan?

  7. There is no proof I wasn't a virgin. Thank you.


Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm so appreciative of your comments, questions and stories!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...