Thursday, May 30, 2013

Potty Training Woes

A few years ago, we went to dinner with some friends and spotted what we assumed was a five year old boy with a pacifier.  Obviously, we all had something to say about that.  How could a 5 year old still be using a pacifier?  What were his parents doing?  We would never let our kids do that!  As usual, karma has come back to bite me in the ass and the universe has said fuck you.

Potty training is a bitch.  There are no other words.  We started and he usually does okay about going pee, although he is still not telling us when he has to go but when he starts dancing around like a fool, we can put two and two together.  But the kid will not poop.  He holds it for DAYS.  And then when he can't hold it any longer, he starts leaking poop.  He sharts.  Then I do laundry all day and I get really pissed.  Sometimes I can put him in the bath, which I guess relaxes him and I can watch his face and then put him on the toilet and he will go.  But during these instances, I literally turn into a labor and delivery coach, my hands on his thighs yelling, "You can do it!  PUSH!  I can see it, keep going!  Don't stop now."  I mean, come the fuck on.  

I'm not even asking for advice because I know it is some control thing on his part, and he won't do this forever, and blah blah blah.  But right now?  It sucks.  And frankly I hate talking about it and then getting those "eyes" from another mom.  You know the ones I'm talking about- they look a little concerned and empathetic, but they are really thinking, "I'm glad my kid doesn't do that."  Well guess what mom at the park--- you better hold on to your hats.  Because I would have never thought my kid would literally leak shit.  Your kid my not have any bathroom issues, but he or she will do something else that is just as awful.  Or worse.

I'm tired.  Just like I'm sure that pacifier mom was tired.  Tired of trying to stay positive.  Tired of the negotiations.  Of the bribing.  I'm tired of relinquishing all control to my three year old.  And I'm tired of washing all of his laundry. 

So, if you see us at the park in three years and we are still wearing diapers, I hope you won't judge.  I hope you will offer me a beer you have conveniently packed in your park cooler.  Because (1) I like beer and (2) I like moms who drink during the day and (3) if Paul is still in diapers at age 6, I'll obviously need one.  Or an entire case.  


  1. Oh, man. This makes me scared for what we have in store. C is starting to sit on his potty and says he is "peeing in my potty," but has yet to actually do so. This post also makes me want a beer...

    Park/beer date should be in our future one of these days. You bring the beer, I'll bring the diapers!

  2. im so glad youre going first and teaching me all of these things!

  3. OMFG!!! Evey was sleeping on my chest and I probably gave her shaken baby syndrome because she was bouncing up and down from me laughing while reading this!! P.S. I love beer too and will happily drink with you anytime :) Also, I'd never judge you because I'll for sure be one of those moms!
    Xoxo!! ~Kels

  4. Just in case you didn't get the memo your children come from a LONG line of strong willed people... and if I have said it once I have said it a 100 times ( at parent teacher conferences) those quirks that are tough to handle with children will be positive traits as adults..i.e... he will be the boss man /he will know what he wants and go for it./ he will be persistent/he'll never give up/ he will be in charge of his own life.. sorry that is just the way it is when you are Colomy/Cressey/Vaughn... xo xo

  5. I have been LONG gone from bloggy land and I am just browsing and I came upon yours! I HAD to comment.

    I understand you 150 percent mama! I actually JUST resolved this issue and it feels ABSOLUTELY amazing. I never thought I would get to this point only in a matter of a couple days.

    I have a 2.5 year old daughter and she has been awesome at going pee but poopy was our problem as well. I am a single mom, well I was, up until a few weeks ago, I found the man of my dreams..anyways, he has been helping me out tremendously with discipline and all that fun stuff (I keep asking him where is the parent book that hes hiding? lol) Anyways, we went to visit his mom one night an hour away and we went swimming there and after that Sadie fell asleep for 2 hours and woke up HOT as can be. I started freaking and then she started throwing up. I thought great shes getting sick, but also she hadn't pooped in 4 days. I just refused to put a diaper on her. I took her to the doctors the next day because she just was so sick and a temp of 103 her hightest..we wended up giving her a suppository that day after doctors and as soon as she pooped she was like completely normal. It was crazy. Well we started having her sit on potty and she would have her little bear/blankey that she carries everywhere with her. My boyfriend told her to just try and push, and she holds onto something with both hands to "push". But it took 2 times (two days of suppoitires) to make her go and not want that up her bottom again. She would hold it because she was scared. Come to find out, she would often tell me her "im hungry" or my belly hurts. And I always would feed her with food. But turned out that feeling was "I have to go poopy". We would sit with her in bathroom and try and tell her to relax and you can do it and we offered a present if she went poop in potty. We would leabe the bathroom let her have her privacy so she can concentrate and soon enough she called out to mommy "mommy I go poo poo". Within DAYS, she is trained. Now she is telling me when she has to go and I don't have to stay on top of her or force her to go poop!

    I wish you best of luck mama! im here for any questions!


Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm so appreciative of your comments, questions and stories!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...