A Funny Paul Story

I picked up the boys at my mom's house on Monday and as she was helping me get everyone in the car, this conversation occurred:

GRANDMA: Bye Paul.  See you Sunday for your birthday.
PAUL: Don't forget the presents!
GRANDMA: What do you want for your birthday?
PAUL: I want the monster truck thing that knocks people down.
GRANDMA: I don't know what that is?
ME: And you will be happy with anything anyone gives you.
PAUL:  Yes, Grandma.  I'll be happy when you bring me the monster truck toy.

Oh my.

Sticker Chart

As you know pooping at our house as been a major challenge.  Or disaster.  Or a cause of my severe wine addiction.  So as a last ditch effort, I implemented a sticker chart.  The categories are poop in the potty (versus holding it for days and then shitting our pants), Nap time (go down without a fight), bedtime (same thing), and staying in bed (stop the 3 AM wake-ups for requests to put your blanket back over your toes.  Seriously).  

Honestly, I was not hoping for very much.  But I made it a big deal, posted it in our kitchen, and told Paul once we filled out the entire chart we would go to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate.  It is to our benefit in this situation (and only in this situation) that our kid loves Chuck E. Cheese.

And guess what?  It worked.  He loves getting stickers, he will actually shit in the toilet (even though I continue to be a HUGE part of the process-- baby steps) and he is not such a jerk about going to bed.  We "got" to go to Chuck E. Cheese and he had the time of his life.  Ryan and I had a beer (yes they see beer at the Cheese.  The only upgrade) before 11 AM and people judged.  We didn't care.

Happy Friday!  Have a wonderful weekend.  If you do, I'll give you a sticker.

Potty Training Woes

A few years ago, we went to dinner with some friends and spotted what we assumed was a five year old boy with a pacifier.  Obviously, we all had something to say about that.  How could a 5 year old still be using a pacifier?  What were his parents doing?  We would never let our kids do that!  As usual, karma has come back to bite me in the ass and the universe has said fuck you.

Potty training is a bitch.  There are no other words.  We started and he usually does okay about going pee, although he is still not telling us when he has to go but when he starts dancing around like a fool, we can put two and two together.  But the kid will not poop.  He holds it for DAYS.  And then when he can't hold it any longer, he starts leaking poop.  He sharts.  Then I do laundry all day and I get really pissed.  Sometimes I can put him in the bath, which I guess relaxes him and I can watch his face and then put him on the toilet and he will go.  But during these instances, I literally turn into a labor and delivery coach, my hands on his thighs yelling, "You can do it!  PUSH!  I can see it, keep going!  Don't stop now."  I mean, come the fuck on.  

I'm not even asking for advice because I know it is some control thing on his part, and he won't do this forever, and blah blah blah.  But right now?  It sucks.  And frankly I hate talking about it and then getting those "eyes" from another mom.  You know the ones I'm talking about- they look a little concerned and empathetic, but they are really thinking, "I'm glad my kid doesn't do that."  Well guess what mom at the park--- you better hold on to your hats.  Because I would have never thought my kid would literally leak shit.  Your kid my not have any bathroom issues, but he or she will do something else that is just as awful.  Or worse.

I'm tired.  Just like I'm sure that pacifier mom was tired.  Tired of trying to stay positive.  Tired of the negotiations.  Of the bribing.  I'm tired of relinquishing all control to my three year old.  And I'm tired of washing all of his laundry. 

So, if you see us at the park in three years and we are still wearing diapers, I hope you won't judge.  I hope you will offer me a beer you have conveniently packed in your park cooler.  Because (1) I like beer and (2) I like moms who drink during the day and (3) if Paul is still in diapers at age 6, I'll obviously need one.  Or an entire case.  

My Two Boys!

It's nice when my parents watch the kids, because we get some great photos from my dad!  I love these boys so much and they are in love with each other!  If only they would smile at the same time!

How naughty does this three year old look?

Ordinary Day

Last week we started to potty train Paul (more on this later).  I was literally sitting on the bathroom floor for what seemed like hours, begging him to use the toilet.  My frustration level was quite high as I silently cursed every parent I know for not sharing how difficult this milestone can be. 

Some days with Paul are hard.  Like really hard.  Hard where I even contemplated going back to work full time because he was being so difficult.  But then I ran across this video.  And I cried.  Before I know it, Paul won't want to be my side every.single.second.of.every.single.day.  And he will start to want to hang out with his friends and have me drop him off two blocks before the mall so I don't embarrass him.  And he'll start to like girls and all of a sudden I won't be the only nice lady in his life.  And I will literally start to miss sitting on the bathroom floor negotiating M&M's for pee. 

It's just the ordinary days.  The simple moments.  The ones that don't get recorded on Instagram or blogged about.  The ones we almost forget to reflect on, as there are so many and so fleeting.  When my days get hard, I hope I stop to think that these challenges won't last forever.  I hope I remember the smell of Paul's sweet head mixed with my shampoo and sweat because he won't stop running around the house.  I hope I remember when he says he wants to snuggle, he really means he wants to lay directly on top of me.  And I hope I remember when he puts his hands on my face and says, "I really like you Mommy."  Even in the most challenging times, these ordinary moments add up to a pretty fantastic life.