Best Parts of Winter Break

I love breaks from work SO MUCH.  It is incredible to lay low.  To calm down.  To not be rushed out of the door and to let the kids sleep.  Seriously, Charlie has been so sad all this week because we have had to wake him up at 6:30 when he was sleeping in until 8:30.  I am sure Friday when I am off he will be up and ready to go at an unreasonable time. That is just how that works! 

In no particular order, here is my list of the best parts of Winter Break: 

1) Took a train ride with Santa.  We had no idea what to expect and next year I need to dress warmer, not take one car with 8 people (car sickness is real) and bring more snacks.  But Santa sat and chatted with us for a long time, gave the kids bells and they were excited.  We did this the day before Christmas Eve which only added to the excitement! 

2) Watched Home Alone.  I had this great idea in my head about how fun this movie would be but I forgot it is a little scary and the language isn't great (shut up, moron, jerk).  Oops.  But Charlie loved it! 

3) After brunch at my parent's house on Christmas morning, the kids took really long naps and then we were playing in the basement.  Charlie went upstairs and when I went to go look for him I found he had opened the garage door, pointing to Ryan's car chanting "G.  G.  G." (my dad).  I guess he wanted us to drive him right on over there.  

4) Our sweet friends had us over the day after Christmas and made us brunch and bloody marys and we had a great time recapping all our holidays!  I got cute Delilah this chef outfit for Christmas and she made us lots of snacks! 

5) I go a little crazy after Christmas when all this new stuff is in your house and the tree is taking up so much space and I just feel like the walls are closing in on me.  I took down Christmas fast and bought a new rug!  It brightens up the place and with a few new pillows on the couch I am feeling much better.  I have mental problems! 

6) We met our friends at the museum a snowy morning.  There was a cool lego exhibit and they loved playing in the kiddo area.  We had lunch and it was a great way to spend the morning and get out of the house! 

7) We went to go see Big Hero 6.  We brought 2 cars just in case Charlie couldn't handle sitting still for 2 hours.  However, we learned if we give Charlie a box of junior mints, he can do just about anything!  When we left I noticed he had streaks of chocolate down his neck and in his ear.  But he had a good time!  

8) I caught up reading ALL my magazines! I had a huge stack.  And I made myself sit on the couch and read through each one.  It was amazing. 

9) I listened to the podcast Serial.  I know I am late to this party but it is amazing!  I just finished it today.  LOVE.  If you haven't jumped on this train you need to.  TODAY.

10) Saw 2 movies- Horrible Bosses and Wild.  Way different but both entertaining! 

11) Sleeping in!  Everyone slept in!  In fact I think I woke up before everyone everyday.  It was amazing to have some quiet time in the morning and amazing to let the sweet boys wake up when they wanted! 

11) Our fun friends The Kearneys were in town and came over for lunch one day.  They have 3 boys.  And brought their nephew.  So there were 6 boys.  SIX.  It was loud and crazy and I loved it.  It was funny that the adults just continued to talk over the constant noise.  I think we are all used to it!

 

12) But my favorite part of break was just laying on the couch with my boys and watching them play.  It was amazing to hang out and have nothing pressing on the calendar! 

Oh Winter Break, I already miss you!! 

Right Now

I have red wine and a computer.  It should make a perfect recipe for blogging, but I am so freaking tired.  How do people do this?  The novelty of the working mom, still going to the gym, staying home and practicing letters with my toddler, all while breastfeeding my newborn is gone.  G-O-N-E.  Now exhaustion has set in.  I read somewhere, that if you want to be happier then you should wake up an hour before you have to in order to have some alone time, or do something you don't think you have enough time for.  Like writing.  But my alarm already goes off at 5 am.  Who can get up earlier?  It is a good idea in theory, since after we get home from work and put the kids to bed, I can hardly keep my eyes open to watch an episode of the Mindy Project.  But I don't think I can do it.

What I really set out to write about is breastfeeding.  How hard breastfeeding is.  I think about quitting every single day.  And then I feel guilty for thinking that every single day.  I breastfed Paul for three months as I struggled with milk production and really didn't know how to increase my supply.  Things are a little better this time but I still have a hard time making enough for Charlie.  Sometimes after he has fed for 25-30 minutes on the boob, he will still drink 3 ounces of a bottle.  And sometimes this bottle is formula.  And yes that bums me out a little bit.  My pregnancies are relatively easy, and I can get these babies out of my body fast and furious, but for some reason my boobs don't want to cooperate.  The best feeding Charlie and I have is first thing in the morning.  I am full, he can eat sleepily, and it is calm and satisfying for both of us.  From then on out it is a crap shoot.

And to add to the stress of the whole thing, I am back at work.  Pumping at work.  I would like to take a moment to virtually hug every woman who exclusively pumped for their child.  I mean when you see your nipples grow 4 inches in length as they get sucked out of any normal resemblance, you know your love your child.  I pump in our book room at school.  I have to drag a chair in there every time, and put a sticky note that says "occupied" on the door so some sorry male teacher doesn't walk in and get the flashing of their lives.  I can hear the copier and people talking right outside the door.  It is not the most relaxing environment one could create.  But it's the only option for right now.

Another thing that is hard is that I have 90 minutes off a day (I am a teacher and work 3 days a week).  In those "off" 90 minutes I need to plan for the next day, make copies, grade papers, meet with students, go to staff meeting, eat lunch, and maybe (if I'm really lucky) go the bathroom.  Pumping takes about 28-30 minutes out of this off period.  To say I can't get everything done is about the understatement of the year.  I leave work feeling like I didn't even experience my day.  I was running around so crazily that I hardly have time to stuff my "lose the baby weight" approved almonds in my mouth.

But every time I think about quitting, I start getting sad.  Ryan remind me that I felt just as guilty with Paul, but I don't seem to remember it like that.  Maybe because this is the last time I am going to do this.  Maybe because I wanted things to be a little different this time.  I don't really know.  All I know is that I've washed my pump parts and bottles for the third time today, and have packed that pump bag for work tomorrow.  I'm going to last at least one more day. 

I Didn't Die.

I made it through the entire day!  Last night was ugly as Ryan and I were both in tears.  The alarm went off at 5:00 am and I used every.single.minute to get myself ready and out the door.  Ryan and I tag teamed the entire morning and I felt like I worked a part time job before I arrived at my actual job. 

Things that helped:
1. I packed my pump, my school bag, and my lunch the night before. I even knew what outfit I was going to wear today so I didn't waste a single minute.
2. Ryan changed Charlie while I dried my hair and then got Paul up while I fed Charlie.  Teamwork people.
3. My friend from work had a Starbucks coffee waiting on my desk
4. My other friend had a Starbucks pastry waiting on my desk.  A latte and treat can do wonders for the psyche. 
5. I have received plenty of updates and pictures from daycare.
6. Lots of friends (and my mom) have texted or left messages to let me know they are thinking of me.  Seriously, people are so nice. 


It was nice to drive to work completely alone (Ryan does the morning drop off) and listen to the radio loud and have a bit of alone time.  My students were really kind and excited to see me, so that helped and I was busy which made the day go pretty fast. 

I am sad I could not cuddle my own sweet baby today, but I know he was fine and it will make tonight even better.  And I obviously deserve a glass of wine.  One day down.  Lots to go!