Charlie 4 Months!

Before I give you an update on Charlie, I have a blog comment question.  I had my comments on free for all, but all of a sudden I had a TON of span comments, informing me how to have sex and make my penis larger.  Super.  So I turned on comment moderation, that I had to approve the comments before they were published.  But how do I respond back to people?  Before the comments would come to my email, and then I could email back and say "thank you" or answer a question or give a hilarious reply (obviously).  I know I can turn on that thing where you type in a word and numbers before you make a comment.  But I HATE that feature when I try to comment on other blogs because it takes forever, and I never get it right and I have to do it over and over.  Bums me out! :) Does anyone know what to do?

On to a different note, my little tiny baby is not so little anymore.  He is 4 months old and as much as I love this age because he is much more interactive and can do some cool things, he is growing up way too fast and I demand he stop. 

He is still the sweetest baby in the world.  He loves to snuggle and take naps while I hold him.  This usually works out okay, because I am much more likely to indulge this request than I was with Paul.  I am aware now that one day he will be too busy to want to cuddle with me, so I let him lay across my body and sleep even though the only thing I can do while he is in that position is lay on the couch.  The sacrifices I make.

His crazy hair is falling out a bit and he now sports a bald spot in the back.  It is not pretty.  But I can usually comb some other wisps over and try to cover it up.  Why is baby hair so weird and why does it fall out?  These are some big mysteries.  His eyes are staying blue and some people say that his hair has a tinge of red.  I guess we will see.

He can roll over from tummy to back and is pretty close to back to tummy.  He can do it if I can get him on his side.  However, he likes to be in the action and watch everything, so he never wants to turn away.  I can't really blame him since we are a very entertaining family.

He is now mostly on formula.  I nurse him once in the morning but for the rest of the day is on formula.  I have mixed feeling about this, but mostly I feel at peace.  He is doing fine with it all of course.  I think I am mostly sad because I am not going to do this again.  And it feels like a huge chapter is closing in our lives.  I know there are plenty of other things in our future to look forward to, but I still feel a little nostalgic for those early days when all he wanted to do was breastfeed.  Even if I was exhausted and not getting any sleep.  The grass is always greener I guess. 

He is still swaddled (when do I stop this?) and his sleep is okay.  He got sick with his first ear infection (so sad) and it really messed up our sleep schedule because I let him sleep in the big bed and snuggle up with me so I could watch him breathe (sad but true).  But last night he woke up once and only needed a pacifier.  I didn't even have to lift him out of his crib, so I think we are back on the right track.  It is amazing how much nicer I am when I get to sleep a bit.

The kid LOVES to stand.  The exersaucer is a big hit because it lets him check out the world and I can still cook dinner.  A win win.  

He also found his toes, which I think is one of the cutest stages ever.  He looks just like a yogi baby.  He can sit up for a second with his hands on the ground and me behind him making sure he doesn't topple over. 

 I feel like Charlie's favorite thing to do is smile.  His big gummy mouth melts my heart. 

We all love Charlie so much and although two boys is going to keep us so busy, we are so grateful for this family!

Friday Treats!

Friday Reads: 
A Mountain I'm Willing To Die On- by Momastery!  She is speaking at the Tattered Cover next week in Highlands Ranch and I'm thinking I need to be there!

Friday Laughs: 
10 Parent Social Media Fails.  Why is it so funny when our parents make mistakes on Facebook, Twitter, etc?  Someday Paul and Charlie will be laughing at our inability to master whatever the new thing will be.  That is sad.  But until that day, it's pretty funny.  

Friday Looking Forward To: 
A Saturday morning haircut.  My hair is really losing its shine and luster (thanks baby Charlie) and falling out by the hand fulls.  Hope we can bring it back to life! 

Friday Recipe:
This is a healthy website I can finally get behind.  Warning: there is a whole of F word.  But it's worth it. 

Friday Picture: 

How big is this guy??

Friday Drinking Problem:
We have been officially potty training for 24 hours.  This has resulted in contemplation of drinking beer at 8:00 am.  I hoping today goes better, but I am not too optimistic.  Here's to an early happy hour! 

Friday Treats!

Friday Reads: 
In the theme of breastfeeding, I love this post about deciding to quit pumping.  Obviously breastfeeding is an emotional topic for everyone!

And everyone read this post and applaud Janet's dedication to breastfeed her twins.  I think it is difficult feeding one, I can't imagine tandem feeding two!  This post is so inspirational!

Friday Eats: 
I made this recipe for dinner this week and it was a big hit with everyone.  Or a big hit for Ryan and I since Paul has boycotted eating.

Friday Picture: 

My mom sent this to me when she was watching the boys while we were at work.  For some reason looking at this single picture solidified the fact that I have TWO children.  Crazy business.  This picture was taken right before Paul informed my mom he wanted to toot in her face.

Friday Shopping: 
I sent this shirt to Maureen with instruction to buy immediately.

Friday Video: 
My favorite big boy that loves reading! 

Right Now

I have red wine and a computer.  It should make a perfect recipe for blogging, but I am so freaking tired.  How do people do this?  The novelty of the working mom, still going to the gym, staying home and practicing letters with my toddler, all while breastfeeding my newborn is gone.  G-O-N-E.  Now exhaustion has set in.  I read somewhere, that if you want to be happier then you should wake up an hour before you have to in order to have some alone time, or do something you don't think you have enough time for.  Like writing.  But my alarm already goes off at 5 am.  Who can get up earlier?  It is a good idea in theory, since after we get home from work and put the kids to bed, I can hardly keep my eyes open to watch an episode of the Mindy Project.  But I don't think I can do it.

What I really set out to write about is breastfeeding.  How hard breastfeeding is.  I think about quitting every single day.  And then I feel guilty for thinking that every single day.  I breastfed Paul for three months as I struggled with milk production and really didn't know how to increase my supply.  Things are a little better this time but I still have a hard time making enough for Charlie.  Sometimes after he has fed for 25-30 minutes on the boob, he will still drink 3 ounces of a bottle.  And sometimes this bottle is formula.  And yes that bums me out a little bit.  My pregnancies are relatively easy, and I can get these babies out of my body fast and furious, but for some reason my boobs don't want to cooperate.  The best feeding Charlie and I have is first thing in the morning.  I am full, he can eat sleepily, and it is calm and satisfying for both of us.  From then on out it is a crap shoot.

And to add to the stress of the whole thing, I am back at work.  Pumping at work.  I would like to take a moment to virtually hug every woman who exclusively pumped for their child.  I mean when you see your nipples grow 4 inches in length as they get sucked out of any normal resemblance, you know your love your child.  I pump in our book room at school.  I have to drag a chair in there every time, and put a sticky note that says "occupied" on the door so some sorry male teacher doesn't walk in and get the flashing of their lives.  I can hear the copier and people talking right outside the door.  It is not the most relaxing environment one could create.  But it's the only option for right now.

Another thing that is hard is that I have 90 minutes off a day (I am a teacher and work 3 days a week).  In those "off" 90 minutes I need to plan for the next day, make copies, grade papers, meet with students, go to staff meeting, eat lunch, and maybe (if I'm really lucky) go the bathroom.  Pumping takes about 28-30 minutes out of this off period.  To say I can't get everything done is about the understatement of the year.  I leave work feeling like I didn't even experience my day.  I was running around so crazily that I hardly have time to stuff my "lose the baby weight" approved almonds in my mouth.

But every time I think about quitting, I start getting sad.  Ryan remind me that I felt just as guilty with Paul, but I don't seem to remember it like that.  Maybe because this is the last time I am going to do this.  Maybe because I wanted things to be a little different this time.  I don't really know.  All I know is that I've washed my pump parts and bottles for the third time today, and have packed that pump bag for work tomorrow.  I'm going to last at least one more day. 

I Didn't Die.

I made it through the entire day!  Last night was ugly as Ryan and I were both in tears.  The alarm went off at 5:00 am and I used every.single.minute to get myself ready and out the door.  Ryan and I tag teamed the entire morning and I felt like I worked a part time job before I arrived at my actual job. 

Things that helped:
1. I packed my pump, my school bag, and my lunch the night before. I even knew what outfit I was going to wear today so I didn't waste a single minute.
2. Ryan changed Charlie while I dried my hair and then got Paul up while I fed Charlie.  Teamwork people.
3. My friend from work had a Starbucks coffee waiting on my desk
4. My other friend had a Starbucks pastry waiting on my desk.  A latte and treat can do wonders for the psyche. 
5. I have received plenty of updates and pictures from daycare.
6. Lots of friends (and my mom) have texted or left messages to let me know they are thinking of me.  Seriously, people are so nice. 


It was nice to drive to work completely alone (Ryan does the morning drop off) and listen to the radio loud and have a bit of alone time.  My students were really kind and excited to see me, so that helped and I was busy which made the day go pretty fast. 

I am sad I could not cuddle my own sweet baby today, but I know he was fine and it will make tonight even better.  And I obviously deserve a glass of wine.  One day down.  Lots to go!

Operating Instructions

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The other day a pregnant friend told me she enjoyed reading me blog because it was real.  A very nice compliment I thought.  Because of my obsession of reading, I've devoured MANY parenting books, sleeping books, developmental books, etc.  Frankly, I haven't found one that I loved.  They are either too optimistic, or too hard to implement, or so far away from reality that no one can relate.  However, I think my search is over.  Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott is simply her journal about her son's first year of life.  Her circumstances were a bit different than mine.  She was a single mother at 35 and her son had some bouts with colic.  Nevertheless, she does an incredible job of documenting the intense love she has for her son while being completely honest of how hard the role of parenting is or can be.  In fact, one of my favorite parts is when she writes about suffering from sleep deprivation and fantasizes about putting the baby on the porch for the night to see if he could survive.  A natural selection experiment of sorts.  Obviously she did carry out this plan, but how refreshing to share in that moment of despair when you are thinking that if this whole parenting thing was meant to be, the baby would survive a night outside by himself.  

That is the whole thing about parenthood.  You are constantly trying to find that fine line between thinking your child is perfect and so smart and we are such a happy family, nothing can get us down versus I am Ashley Judd in the Ya Ya Sisterhood and I am driving in my convertible away from my four small children to have a psychotic break.  Some days it is truly amazing.  Your babies are listening to you, they are smiling and happy and give you the best hugs, even choking your neck a bit.  And some days you want to put them outside with the dog with a bowl of water and hope for the best in the morning. 

I hope you find that balance this weekend!  Happy Friday!

Melt Your Heart!

I die over the brotherly love.  Charlie's face lights up whenever he sees Paul.  These boys are so precious!

What We've Been Watching....

When you have a baby, you are home a lot.  It just takes so much effort to pack everyone up and people feel obligated to come to you anyway.  But it can get a bit a little boring.  That is where TV comes in.  Now I know we would all like to read books or be a little more intellectual then constantly flipping through the channels, but this is reality.  When I am sitting on the couch feeding my baby over and over again, I want to watch something good.  This is what we have found:

 

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My parents actually turned us on to this, which is funny because it is about making and dealing meth.  They get it on Netflix and watch it together every Friday.  They bought us four seasons when Charlie was born.  I have watched one episode and Ryan has watched the entire thing.  He did not get the memo that we were suppose to watch it together.  It is a little dark but really good. 

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Everyone we know has been talking about Homeland and rightfully so.  It is amazing and Claire Danes is INCREDIBLE.  What else has Claire Danes been in?  My So Called Life- obviously.  Family Stone.  What else?

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And then of course we are enjoying the newest season of the Bachelor.  We can't stop watching, it is such good entertainment and makes us feel really good about ourselves! 

What are you watching lately?  Do I need to get on this Downtown Abbey situation?  It is all I hear/read about?  Anything on the must watch list?

The Very Best Friends A Girl Could Ask For!

Last weekend Maureen arrived from Texas, Tori arrived from Vail and their only mission was to make my life easier.  They did.

Here are some highlights of what these two did to help make life with a newborn and toddler a bit more tolerable.  Please take notes.  

• They took Paul on many "adventures" to the grocery store, Starbucks, etc.  Paul loves his mom and doesn't always want her out of his sight.  But when the word "adventure" is used, he can usually be persuaded to leave me.  I am sure the promise of hot chocolate did not hurt either.
•  They made us many meals.  MANY meals.  They are all frozen in my freezer.  They have directions on them.  They are tasty.  I did not make them.  I don't have to think about what is for dinner.  It is AMAZING.
• They brought wine.  Enough said.
•  They literally drove my children around so I could have the house to myself for ONE WHOLE HOUR. 
• They stayed up to do the first feeding so my husband and I could go to sleep together.  Incredible.  
•  They helped me figure out the baby Bjorn and took a walk with a newborn and 2 1/2 year old.  This was no easy task.  Especially when the 2 year old insisted that he take his lawn mower on the walk.  And then decided half way through he didn't want the lawn mower.  So your friend carried the lawn mower for the rest of the walk.
•  They rented Magic Mike and sat on the couch with wine and horrified looks on their face. (Seriously- how was that a movie?)
•  They played trains, cars, puzzles, kitchen, and God knows what else with your toddler. 
•  They held the baby so I could eat dinner with BOTH hands.  
• They told me what a great job I was doing.  Even when I was unsure. 

I don't have one picture from that weekend, except a picture of a meal they made.  But trust me- if you have a new baby you should hire these two. My words alone cannot express my gratitude.  I am sure that both left exhausted and thankful that their houses are clean and their televisions are not constantly running an episode of Mickey Mouse.  They were the perfect amount of distraction and help that was conveniently timed with Ryan's return to work.  I am so lucky to have friends like I do.  Please come back.

Charlie- One Month

I can't believe that my sweet baby is already a month old.  Just like anything, some days seem really fast and other days I can't believe it has only been a month.  Such is life with a newborn I suppose.  I am about 99.9% sure that this is our last little babe.  In that sense it has been a little easier to get up in the middle of the night because I tell myself this is the last time I will do this.  And I am a little more aware that everything is just a passing phase.  I remember thinking with Paul that I was NEVER going to sleep again.  I know that I will.  I hope.  Although yesterday I did have myself a little "I'm so tired" breakdown.  Sleep deprivation is no joke.

Overall, Charlie is a very calm and content baby.  He likes to be held and likes when we talk to him and he only really cries when he is hungry or needs a bit of attention.  It is a little hard to give as much undivided attention to Charlie as we did with Paul.  With Paul we would lay him on our bed and stare at him for an inappropriate amount of time.  It is hard to do that with Charlie because of a demanding two year old.  Hopefully we are not creating any permanent psychological scarring.

 Listening to Mommy go on and on about something

Charlie still has quite a bit of hair and some of it sticks straight up and will not be tamed.  I like it.   Everyone keeps telling me it is going to fall out.  Is this true?  Paul had no hair so I have no experience in this arena.  I can tell you that my hair is falling out rapidly, never mind the prenatal vitamins I am pounding.

I just reviewed Paul's first month post to see what I wrote about the sleeping situation.  Guess what?  I wrote nothing.  I am guessing because it wasn't going very well and I didn't want to remember.  Foolish.  Charlie gets his last bottle of the night at around 9:00.  He goes down relatively easy and then he up again around 12-1.  He goes down easy again and then it is a crap shoot for the rest of the nice.  Sometimes he is up at 2:30.  Usually 3:00.  However last night he didn't wake up again after his 12:30 feeding until 4:35.  After the second feeding I bring him in bed with us.  This is probably not a good habit, but I can't seem to stop myself.  So in conclusion, we are tired.  And something else to add- "how is he sleeping?" seems to be every stranger's favorite question.  If he is sleeping well then they get mad because their child, or grandchild, or cousin, or whoever never slept.  And if he is not sleeping well, then they have the answer of how to get some slumber.  How about a simple congratulations on the baby and move the hell on?  Thank you.

Sleeping here with a popped collar

Charlie has been smiling more and it is amazing the things you will do and say to get the boy's lip to turn upward.  My voice becomes high and squeaky and ridiculous.  But it is the sweetest thing in the world to see him smile.  It gives you a little validation that feeding him every three hours and waking up all the time is beneficial.  However, capturing this smile seems to be quite the challenge.  That doesn't stop me from trying!

 

Almost a smile... 

So happy! 

Paul has adjusted to the new person in our house.  I will say the first week was rough.  He told Ryan he didn't want to be friends anymore, he was crabby, clingy, and desperate for our attention.  He is doing so much better!  He now finds Charlie's pacifier when he cries, likes to hold the baby's hand, tickles his tummy, and says "goodnight Charlie."  Paul continues to be fascinated with breast feeding and I hope the obsession stops soon because it is getting a little uncomfortable.

My sweet big boy

"Playing" with Charlie

Finally, having a newborn is not that hard.  Having a two and a half year old plus a newborn is very hard.  I feel spread a little thin, my house is DIRTY (which is new for me), I feel like all I do is laundry, and I can't tell you how long it takes me to shower, get dressed, put on make-up, and get out of the house.  Because of that, showers are few and far between and I don't know the last time I've put on a full face of make-up.  But we have two sweet boys who are healthy and happy.  I know we will all adjust and maybe I'll just get used to my house having a layer of dog hair on it.  I also know I have plenty of reasons to feel blessed and lucky and even when I'm overwhelmed, I also feel absolutely grateful for my two little men.  

The pictures are too much!

Happy one month birthday baby Charlie.  We can't wait to see you grow and learn!